I’ve been avoiding everything or more like everyone. Not because of the dystonia so much but more because I don’t feel the same anymore. I’m not sure what to say to people, what to do when I am around them. I am not sure what to do with their judgement of me when they see me acting differently and they make assumptions as to why. I’m not in the mood to defend myself or to prove a point. Honestly I just want to be left alone. I’m tired of explaining or defending or feeling guilty for not acting the way I am expected to act. Maybe it’s selfishness or maybe I’m just exhausted, overwhelmed with everything else. that I don’t have the patience to deal with anything other than what is right in front of me, right now. I am not asking you to compare your life story with mine or for you to tell me how hard you have it too and to prove to me that you still push through no matter what. Good for you. You are better than me, kinder than me, more organized than me, a better mom, dad, friend than me. Me, I’m tired. I’m just trying to make it through the day, one day at a time. I’m not sorry that I’ve distanced myself from the group you feel I should be a part of. I am not sorry that you think of me as a bad daughter, sister, aunt and so on. My priority is to be a mother to my kids. This is all I can handle for now.  This is all I want to handle right now. It isn’t that I have forgotten about everyone else. That isn’t the case at all. I just….it just isn’t my priority to a part of everything else right now.


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