I don’t know if it’s age, I’m almost 40 yrs young, or if its dystonia, but I notice that I’ve lost my patience. I save articles, blog posts, links, books, magazine articles and so on, to refer to them in detail later, when I have more time to read, but I end up skimming through the information instead. It doesn’t matter if its paper based or online based. No, that’s not true, if its paper based I do better, but not much better.
I reserve what ever energy or want I have for reading for school books or for anything I have to read at work, but even that takes quite a bit of effort to concentrate and read well. For leisure I have resulted to audio books as I drive to school or work. But at home when I have free time (this is rare) and I grab a book to read it, at least the first chapter, I find I can’t sit still long enough. Reading ebooks are the worst. I need to hold a page. I need to feel it. But paper or online and I shift. I move. I get up and go.
It is rare that I just read like I use to when I was younger. My BA is in English of creative writing. I had to read book or two daily for school and I loved it. I was elated by it. I was intoxicated by it. I wished I had more time to read and then I would write. I had so many ideas. Every scrap paper, napkin, blank canvas turned into places I could jot my ideas.
I don’t even have patience to write anymore. I shift, twist, stretch and move. I can’t sit still for too long. When I am sitting I am moving my legs, my arms, my head… my eyes. I am most content when I am up and about except after half a day of up and about I need to relax, sit down, sit still. I need a break from that too.
Is this age? Is this dystonia? I couldn’t even reread my own past post a few minutes ago to find and edit mistakes that stand out like a yellow browning leaf on a indoor potted plant. Trust me there are many mistakes. I am surprised internet trolls haven’t made a mention of this yet. Yes, I am flattering myself. If only I had enough readers to my blog to even bring in the trolls. Why are some people so thirsty to put other people down anyways?
I digress. I have lost patience to read, to write I just want to write and be done with it. I just want to say whats going on even if it comes out in rambles. I just want to read the gist what you are trying to tell me, the reader, so that I know. Yes, of course the details matter. Details are very important. but I just can’t get myself to concentrate and sit still long enough to do it. Sometimes I reread a sentence over and over until it actually sinks in to my head what I am reading. Some of these sentences are very basic, but it’s as if I didn’t read what I just read because I can’t remember what I read.
With that said, I want to apologize for all the grammatical and spelling mistake I have left in my blog. Most of you wont mind, not much anyways, but there are some reader out there that define intelligence by the grammatical perfection or attempt of perfection of a written entry. I also want to apologize to all the bloggers who I follow whose partial articles I read or articles I save with intention to get back to, but am overwhelmed by the long list of articles when I try. I also want to apologize to all my English teachers who helped guide me through as I earned my degree. I am disappointed too. I will work on this even if she one paragraph at a time. I guess it would help if my computer was a bit faster. This thing takes such a long time to load sometimes I want to punch it.
One of these days, soon I hope, I will go back and correct the mistake I have seen. Until then I’m tired of sitting here. I need to move.